Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
