That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
