kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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