Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
