Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
