i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
