Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
