I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
