how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
