Yo dont text me then not text me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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