I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
