so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
