Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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