for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
