I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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