He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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