I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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