You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
