whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
