I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
