I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
