Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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