just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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