Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
