Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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