She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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