My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
