i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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