i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
