You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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