Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
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