wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
