What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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