it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
