I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Im part way to drunk.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
