which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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