Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
