"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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