Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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