cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
