I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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