he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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