she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
