so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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