think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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