The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
