i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
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