i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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