soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
