totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
