she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
