Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Two words: blizzard sex
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
